How to Enjoy Some Time to Yourself WITHOUT the MOM GUILT

HOW TO ENJOY SOME TIME TO YOURSELF WITHOUT THE MOM GUILTMoms are busy by nature.

Moms deal with a little mom guilt by nature too!

It’s a 24/7 job, 365 days of the year.

You may have 2, 3 or 4 kiddos, a spouse, several pets and a house to care for.

You may have all of that AND a full-time job outside of your home as well.

Regardless of what exactly it is that you have on your plate, it is probably safe to say that we can all agree on one thing:

We need a break, a few moments to ourselves, which are hard to find without being overwhelmed by mom guilt and feeling like we need to be fulfilling everyone else’s needs.

The truth is, a mom’s health (yes, mental health is included) and well being is equally as important.

We have heard, loud and clear, that moms, especially moms of multiples (or more), find it hard to sneak in a few minutes for themselves, which is why we are inspired to team up with one of our favorite gals, Mary from www.mommabearmag.com to share with you some ways we are able to find some kid-free time, helping us to decompress and recharge!  

Mary’s website, publications and classes are all geared towards teaching moms how to kick the mom guilt out the door and experience the joys of motherhood…it’s truly a magical place!  And, if that wasn’t enough, her images are phenomenal…..we are lucky enough to feature her artwork in this post.

So mama’s, here are a few simple ways to get some time to yourself without the MOM GUILT:

Make A PlanCHARTS

Communicate your needs to your spouse/partner and SCHEDULE alone time.  For example, next Thursday from 6-8PM go to your favorite coffee shop and read a book, people watch or just quietly enjoy a HOT cup of coffee.

Be specific! If it isn’t scheduled, it ain’t real, and it ain’t happenin!

Scheduling time and writing it on your calendar will help you stick to your plan because every time that mom guilt creeps up, urging you not to go anywhere, you’ll have concrete details to stick to.

It’s About The Give and Take

Whomever watches your kids while you are enjoying some time alone, return the favor! If it’s your husband/partner watching them on Thursday, you offer to be with the kids on Friday while they go do something THEY enjoy.

You’re a team, and they’ll love knowing you’ve got their back, too.

If you have a friend that’s going to watch the kids for you, offer to watch their kiddos the following week.

And If it’s a friend or relative who doesn’t have kids, make a meal for them, give them a bottle of wine or a very coveted Starbucks gift card.

Doing something in return, even a small gesture, goes a long way and shows someone your gratitude. Besides, you’ll feel much less guilty because you won’t feel like you’re “taking advantage”, ya know?

Also, when you’re leaning on loved ones who are watching your kiddos free of charge, please mama know this: they WANT to watch your kids.

They want YOU to enjoy kid-free time.

You aren’t “making” anyone do anything they don’t want to, you’re not guilting them into it…you asked, they said, “yes.”

Or, maybe they offered, and you said, “heck yeah!”

No need to feel guilty about that.  Learning to trust other care takers is a great learning experience for you and your babes. It’s a necessary experience that’s totally worth it.

Let it be a Learning Experiencemaryboyden-messy-5

Being away from your kiddos is tough, it seems like once you get a minute alone, you begin to miss them like crazy and count the minutes until you can hold them in your arms again.

Maintaining who you are without kids, your sense of self and your identity as a person is important.  And for your little ones, being away from you and getting used to others caring for them is a valuable life lesson.

Eventually, they need to learn to be confident and independent people without their mamas.  Giving them a little practice in controlled situations, where you are gone for short periods of time and they are with people other than you, is great practice for all those times you’ll drop them off in their classrooms or other non-parent guided activities.

Get Creative…Try a Few of These:

  • Can’t leave the house? Put headphones on and dance while doing dishes. Your kiddos might be playing or crying, but at least you can have a few moments of me time.  As long as everyone is safe, you’ll all be ok!
  • Once your babies are in bed, safe and fed, pour yourself a glass of wine and hop in the shower after a long day. It can be your time to be uninterrupted.  Seriously it’s so relaxing. You’ve gotta try it. Warning: I’ve totally broken a glass in the tub before (feel free to join in while I laugh at myself). Use a plastic kids cup if you’re a clutz like me. It’s pretty funny, too. I mean, total mom life, right?!
  • Find a balance between date night and girls night. Grabbing a glass of wine with a good girlfriend helps make you feel just as good as a date with your partner.  Try to not talk about kids the whole time and vow only to gab about anything else!
  • Get a pedicure and spring for the extra long foot rub just to sit in the massage chair for a few minutes longer.
  • Drive through and get a coffee for yourself before a running errands with your kids (or while they’re asleep in the car!).
  • Splurge on a cute workout outfit!  Our daily get up is usually yoga pants and a tank top…isn’t everyone’s? Might as well make it cute!
  • Make time for an eyebrow wax or haircut (even if it’s at the late time slot) to go alone after the kids are sleeping and your partner is home alone!

It is SO important for your mental health to have alone time, to reframe your perspective and get out of your norm.bathtub-maryboyden-3

Whether it be a pedicure, a quick shower or six hours in a coffee shop (or wine bar) alone – mama, do what you’ve got to do!!!

When you are happy and healthy, your family will benefit from that too.

Your homework is to make a list of why you want to be alone, and another list of how you felt after you’ve had some alone time.

Words like “refreshed, rested, calm” come to mind for us.

Isn’t that a great way to feel around your kids? Now, every time that guilt comes in your mind, tell it no! Refer to your lists and say, “Alone time is not selfish, it makes me feel calm and rested, which makes me happier and my kids love me happy!”

Mamas, make your lists, make a point to get some time alone and share it with us.  We are dying to hear all about what you did for yourself and how you felt afterwards.

Let’s celebrate each other in the comments below!

all-our-love, jenn-and-Meghan-from-two-came-true

  • Oh I can’t even say how much I love this. There’s the saying happy wife happy life. But it’s even more about a happy mom. We need our me time too. We were people before kids and sometimes it’s so hard to remember that! I love these ideas!
    Keala
    http://Www.recipeforasweetlife.com

    • AMEN Keala! As our kids grow, they will need us less and less. If you have completely lost who you were as a women before, that transition will be challenging! Taking care of ourselves helps us to be the best version of who we are for our families!

  • When I lived in CA with no family help and was full time SAHM I worked $ into our budget for a babysitter that was JUST for me time. Then I set it aside as cash to make certain I used it for what it was meant – a weekly babysitter to go blog or read or whatever I needed.

    • That’s a great idea Linds! It is so easy to take that budgeted money and use it elsewhere, but if you force yourself to schedule a babysitter, it’s much harder to back out! Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

  • I’ve totally been feeling the mom guilt lately! I work at home and it is so hard to try to balance everything. I am going to try your suggestions. Dancing while doing the dishes sounds like a great start.

    • Hi McKinzie! Thank you for stopping by. We are so happy to hear that we have provided you some inspiration. Balancing life as a mom is a tough thing to tackle, which is exactly why we have learned to cherish even the littlest moments of solitude we can find in our day. Let us know how it goes for you!

  • Awesome tips here! Self care is so important for every mom and it took me years to realize it. Now I know I am a better mother once I get some time to myself, even if it only to watch my favorite reality shows with some wine!

    • Hey there Lauren, it takes time for all of us to learn that lesson unfortunately, but it is true that we are better moms, wives, people when we take care of ourselves AS WELL as our families. Are you addicted to the Bachelor/Bachelorette like we are?

  • Such a great post! It’s so hard to take time for yourself when there are so many things that need to be done! I need to be better about this for sure.

    • Shannon, we all could be better about making more time for ourselves, that is why we strive to find the little ways that can be refreshing and relaxing! Let’s make a pact to be better to ourselves, just for a few minutes a day.

  • This was such a great article. I’m totally guilty of not making time for myself. I love the idea of just putting in headphones, just tuning everything out for a few minutes is a nice break!

    • Hey there Julie! You’d be surprised what just a few minutes can do for you….make some time for yourself mama! And if you have a second, share with us what you did and how you felt afterward. Thanks for stopping by!

    • Hi Naya! It is so easy to ignore ourselves, only to realize what we have done once we are in too deep and completely overwhelmed! We are so happy to hear that you find our tips useful! By the way, we LOVE your site!

  • I couldn’t agree with you more, a moms health is SO important! Two-three times a week my girlsfriends and I put the babes in the stroller and walk. It’s a way for us to connect with one another and get moving!

    • That is fantastic! We love that idea……thank you for sharing with us and all those moms out there just trying to get a little breather! Thank you for stopping by Lesley!

  • Hey. thanks for this! Definitely forwarding this to my wife. She almost never takes some time off for herself and tells me it’s because she feels guilty about doing so!

    • Hey Colin! Thank you so much and we truly hope your wife will feel inspired to take some time and take care of herself. What an awesome hubby you are….keep us posted on how she is doing and if you need any help from us! Thanks for stopping by…xoxoxo!

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